One in eight pregnancies end in a miscarriage – many happen before a woman is even aware she is pregnant. Miscarriages are more common than people realise, probably because a lot of women prefer not to talk about it. Here Sharon Polding from Smarden near Ashford talks through her incredible journey to be a mother – and how now, along with husband Robert, they are the proudest parents on the planet. Interview: Julia Rogers
After eight traumatic miscarriages and a five year cycle of crushed hopes – Sharon Polding was forced to abandon her dream of being a mother.
With no rhyme or reason as to why she had lost ten babies – including healthy twin boys during her last pregnancy – she could take no more heartbreak.
Along with her husband Robert, the couple reluctantly took the agonising decision to stop trying and to convince themselves that, for them, being parents wasn’t meant to be.
But now, planting a soft kiss on her gorgeous newborn daughter’s furry cheek, Sharon can hardly believe that the little miracle that stares trustingly back at her is here.
“I wake up in the night thinking it’s a dream and someone is going to take her away,” said Sharon, cradling her daughter in her arms and beaming. “I still can’t quite believe she’s mine.”
Her daughter’s name speaks volumes. Poppy – meaning hope and remembrance – was born by caesarean section at the William Harvey Hospital in Ashford at 9.35am on 28 August weighing 7lb 5oz.
“It just seemed a perfect name in memory of all the babies we had lost.” Sharon, 39, admits it wasn’t until she’d met her ‘soul mate’ Robert on a blind date at 28, that she decided she wanted children.
Focused and driven and with 21 years’ experience in telecommunications, she had always put her career first. “I’ve always loved horses and as a little girl I had a dream of owning a house with stables next door.
I knew this was an expensive dream – and I needed a good job,” she said. “In my late teens when my mum said she couldn’t afford to pay for me to have a horse and compete too, I dropped out of school to get a job."
I became the first female engineer to work for British Rail. I went to work in a tracksuit and it was the best job I ever had!” Robert, 53, proposed to Sharon on her 30th birthday and they were married a year later.
Sharon said: “I had been through a divorce a year before. I think my feelings changed about having a child because I was with the right person.”
The couple bought a large detached house in Smarden with stables and acres of ground with the hope of starting a family. Aged 34, Sharon fell pregnant quickly.
“It was just like you dream about. I was so excited. I remember putting the pregnancy test down on the kitchen table in front of Robert. He was thrilled.”
A private person, Sharon decided not to tell anyone until she was three months pregnant. “I was about eight weeks and was working from home when I started bleeding heavily. I knew I’d lost it.”
The couple waited a while before trying again and this time it took longer for Sharon to conceive. But devastatingly at eight weeks, the same thing happened. After three failed pregnancies, Sharon went to see Dr Mira Petrovic at Charing Surgery, who referred her to NHS fertility expert Joe Davis.
He runs a clinic on the first Wednesday of every month at Charing. As Sharon had private health insurance through work, she was referred to Hythe Hospital for a number of tests.
“That’s when I fell pregnant with twins. I went for my scan at the William Harvey and remember seeing two little sacks, one smaller than the other. The midwife couldn’t find a heart beat. I was distraught and wanted a second opinion.”
Sadly, a second opinion confirmed the worst and on Robert’s 50th birthday, Sharon was booked in for a dilation and curettage – or D and C as it is more commonly known. This is a minor surgical procedure which removes tissue after a miscarriage.
“I remember saying to Robert ‘what a birthday present this is’. It was horrible. But he was a tower of strength. He never showed me exactly was he was feeling, he just kept strong for me.”
By this time, Sharon had confided in her mum and two sisters. Sharon said: “My youngest sister then fell pregnant and dreaded telling me. She couldn’t stop crying but I was absolutely thrilled for her.
I admit, I cried very privately on my own.” Sharon was signed off for work for five weeks afterwards – but was back within three days flying to New York. “It was the only way I could cope.
I am very single minded and I just had to carry on. “No one at work knew what I was going through. Every time one of the girls got pregnant, I just had to put on a brave face – but it hurt."
We decided to wait a while before trying again.” This time, Sharon and Robert couldn’t get pregnant and were referred back to Joe Davis, who said after a year he could recommend a course of IVF (in vitro fertilisation), one of several techniques available to help couples with fertility problems.
Sharon was sent for a hysterosalpingogram, a type of x ray that is taken of a womb and fallopian tubes after a special dye has been injected, which can detect for any problems, and Robert a semen test.
“It was all incredibly stressful,” said Sharon. “It took Robert a week to go to the hospital with his specimen. He wouldn’t talk about it for ages afterwards – we can laugh about it now.
He had a time limit of 15 minutes to get the sperm to the hospital, whisper over the counter what it was and then watch the nurse shake the tube!” The tests revealed everything was normal, except Sharon had low blood pressure.
After having a laparoscopy, which involves making a small incision in her lower abdomen and inserting a thin microscope, Sharon conceived for the fifth time. “I suffered three more miscarriages after that.
Then the results of a blood test revealed I had Factor Five Leiden.” Factor Five Leiden is a condition which means blood has a tendency to clot. While there is no proven evidence that it causes miscarriage, people with this condition have an increased likelihood of miscarriage.
Many women are prescribed clexane, which helps to reduce the risk of blood clots. Sharon said: “I was told that as soon as I became pregnant again, I had to take clexane.
My eighth pregnancy was twins and I started injecting myself with 40mg of clexane every morning. But this time, I couldn’t get excited about being pregnant. I hated the injections because I would bleed for a couple of hours afterwards, but I was told this was normal. Robert and I decided to get away and we went to Spain, but while I was there lost them.
When I got home my midwife asked me to go for my 12-week scan. I said there was no point, but she insisted.
I’d lost the first baby at eight weeks and had stopped taking the clexane. The second foetus though hadn’t died until 10 weeks. I’ve beaten myself up about that, wondering if I had kept taking the Clexane, it would have lived.” Sharon and Robert were numb.
They were referred to miscarriage specialist Professor Radnor who had the results of a post-mortem on the twins. “When he said our twin boys were normal I knew it was time to stop. We’d never known the sex before and this was too hard to hear.
The fact that there was nothing wrong with us and nothing wrong with the babies, told me it just wasn’t meant to be. It was the hardest thing to agree – but Robert said we’d deal with it together and we would still be happy. He couldn’t bear for me to go through it anymore.”
A competitive rider, Sharon decided to breed another horse and the couple tried to get on with their lives. Sharon said: “We were driving to a New Year’s Eve party and I knew I had to tell Robert I was pregnant again."
I actually dreaded telling him and he wasn’t happy. He asked if I was sure. “I’m a social smoker, but I hadn’t smoked for about five years. I had been so upset, got drunk and tried to have a cigarette. It made me feel sick as pig.
We left it a few days and then I took a test. I phoned the doctor’s surgery and was referred to the early pregnancy unit at the Singleton. I was on automatic pilot; I didn’t get excited, I just thought, ‘when am I going to lose this one?’."
On the day of the first scan, Sharon couldn’t bear to look at the screen. “I told the midwife not to say anything, just to do it. I knew it wouldn’t have survived, but they said, ‘there’s a heart beat.’ Then I looked.”
Still pregnant at 12 weeks – the furthest she had ever carried a baby – Sharon still couldn’t believe it. “I gave up riding, netball, everything. I was absolutely terrified. I just couldn’t let myself believe it, and then at 22 weeks I had to tell my boss.”
Sharon has a good pregnancy up to 30 weeks and remembers her sister visiting and asking if she was all prepared for the new arrival. “I hadn’t bought a single thing,” said Sharon.
“When she left, I finally got my laptop out and logged on to Mothercare while Robert was cooking. Then I sneezed and remember joking to Robert that I’d wet myself. But it felt like it wasn’t stopping. I popped to the toilet and shouted for Robert.”
Swinging the door round, Robert was met by Sharon clutching her stomach and a pool of blood on the floor. “I didn’t scream,” said Sharon. “I just said ‘call an ambulance and get my mum’.
It was about eight o’clock at night and living in the country he said he could get me to hospital faster. In the car I was saying to Robert, ‘I can feel her kicking, she’s fine, I know it’. I got to hospital with two tea towels wrapped round the top of my legs, covered in blood.”
Sharon’s previous scan had shown that she was expecting a girl – and that she had placenta praevia, a complication where the placenta grows in the lowest part of the womb and covers all or part of the opening to the cervix.
A serious complication, this meant that Sharon was unable to have a natural birth and was booked in for a caesarean section. Sharon said: “They put me on a monitor and hearing her heart beat was magic."
She was given steroids to mature her lungs in case. She wasn’t in distress so once the haemorrhage had stopped I was monitored for a couple of days. “I went home but it happened all over again. I ended up having four bleeds a day, but because she wasn’t in any distress it was better she stayed inside me than be born early.
I ended up staying in hospital for three weeks.” At 37 weeks and six days, Poppy made her first appearance in the world. Sharon said: “It was the most surreal experience.
I woke up that morning and I couldn’t stop silently crying. It was incredibly emotional. We had waited so long for a baby and I couldn’t believe it was actually going to happen. There were so many people in the theatre, it was daunting.
They said if I bled a lot they might have to knock me out, but I begged them not to.
I said the last two times I had been in the theatre and been put to sleep it was because I’d miscarried. I couldn’t wake up and find she hadn’t survived.
When they lifted her up for me to see and I heard her cry, I was numb. I just couldn’t believe it.” Totally overwhelmed by the sight, Sharon asked for Robert to have the first cuddle. “In the ward later, with just me and her, that’s when we bonded.
I talked to her. I told her how special she was, what a journey we’d been through to get her, and how much she was loved.” The new family of three is now settling into family life – and Poppy even has her own horse, a foal born just a couple of months before her.
Sharon said: “Robert is besotted. Only now, when I see the look of adoration on his face, do I realise how much he held it together and how much he had to hide. Poppy is the perfect baby, thoroughly content. I can’t beleive we’d almost given up hope. We know we’re very lucky to have our happy ending and we’ll enjoy every moment.”
